Redefining Faith: Finding Spirituality Beyond the Church

 What if everything you thought you knew about faith wasn’t the full story? One day, everything makes sense, and the next, the foundation you stood on crumbles beneath you. Your beliefs, your identity, the way you’ve always connected to the Creator—it all starts to feel… off. And when that happens, you do what you’ve been taught: You seek structure. You seek support. And often, that means turning to the church.

But what happens when the church no longer feels like home? When the sermons that once comforted you now leave you feeling small, unworthy, and disconnected? When you leave service feeling more ashamed than inspired?

This is where many women get stuck—trapped in the guilt, fear, and shame of stepping away from what they’ve always known. But I want you to know: Your devotion to the Creator does not have to look like what you were told.

My Story: When Church No Longer Resonated

I remember sitting in church—singing along, looking around, and feeling a quiet disconnect. I wondered, does anyone else feel this way?

I felt unsettled. My heart was in the right place, but my prayers felt hollow—like I was going through the motions instead of truly connecting. The experience felt misaligned, but I couldn’t pinpoint why.

And then there was the image of the Creator. I was taught to see the divine as a man—a white man, to be exact. But that never felt right to me. The Creator I know is not bound by form, gender, or human limitations. The Creator is an infinite source of light, wisdom, and energy—always giving, always expanding.

Hearing different people define what it meant to be a 'true' Christian always intrigued me—because every definition seemed to contradict the next. It left me wondering, what does being a Christian actually mean? Because I don’t consider myself one. I don’t tie myself to any religious label—Christian, Catholic, Methodist, Mormon—none of them fully resonate with me. Instead, I choose to live by love, joy, and peace, to be fully conscious of my thoughts and actions, and to move through life with the highest good for all in mind.

There are endless interpretations of what it means to be a Christian, and none of them feel like home to me. And that’s okay. It doesn’t mean I’m wrong, and it doesn’t mean you’re wrong if you feel the same way. I am simply one with the source of light, and that is enough.

The Weight of Dogma: When Religion Becomes a Cage

Dogma tells you that this is the only way, the only truth, and if you question it, you are lost. It thrives in fear, control, and rigidity, leaving no space for personal revelation, spiritual evolution, or connection beyond man-made rules.

The church taught me that stepping outside its walls meant stepping away from the Creator. That questioning doctrine meant I was doubting the divine. But I came to realize that true faith isn’t about obedience to man-made rules—it’s about direct connection to the Source.

What if you didn’t need a middleman to experience the divine? Why do I need someone else to interpret divine truth for me when I can feel it deep in my soul?

I always wondered why, when I spoke with a pastor or sat in Bible study, no one was talking about our thoughts—how they shape our reality, how they influence our connection with the divine. Why weren’t we discussing the wisdom held within our bodies, the signals they send us every day? Our thoughts are incredibly powerful, yet they were rarely acknowledged. And what about our emotions, our energy—why weren’t these fundamental aspects of our existence part of the conversation? It never made sense to me.

And what about sex? Why weren’t we talking about that? It’s literally how life is created—women are portals for life itself to come through. The energy exchange in sex is profound, a force beyond the physical, binding two people in ways we barely begin to understand. Why weren’t we talking about how sex creates emotional and energetic chemistry between two souls? Or how sometimes, we meet someone for the first time but feel an undeniable connection—saying things like, “I feel like I’ve known you forever.” Well, maybe you have. Maybe your souls finally crossed paths in this lifetime after knowing each other before. Why isn’t this a normal conversation? And what about past lives? Why aren’t we talking about that either?

The more I explored spirituality, the more I realized that true connection goes beyond doctrine; it requires an understanding of the mind, body, and soul as one. It requires us to ask bigger questions—the ones that challenge what we’ve been taught, the ones that open doors we were told to keep shut.

The Role of Women in Religion

Women are goddesses—no matter their shape, size, or background. Their power is undeniable, yet history and religion have often overlooked, diminished, or erased their contributions. But the truth remains: women are the backbone of creation, the bridge between the physical and spiritual worlds.

Why is it always about men? Every story, every lesson, every figure held up as a model of faith—it’s almost always a man. A man did this, a man did that. But what about the women? Where is the recognition of the divine feminine? Where is the acknowledgment of the power women hold—not just as nurturers, but as leaders, healers, and creators?

Behind every powerful man, there has always been a woman whispering in his ear, guiding him, influencing the course of history in ways that are rarely acknowledged. Women have always been the keepers of wisdom, the bearers of intuition, the ones who create and sustain life itself. So why aren’t we giving credit where credit is due? Why is religion so deeply masculine when life itself comes through the feminine? Women are portals for life, the vessels through which new souls enter this world, the embodiment of divine creation. Yet in so many religious narratives, their role is diminished, their wisdom overshadowed.

It is time to reclaim the feminine. The spiritual journey is not just about reclaiming faith—it’s about reclaiming our place in it, standing in our power, and recognizing that the divine exists within us just as fiercely as it does in any man.

The spiritual journey is not just about reclaiming faith—it’s about reclaiming our place in it.

The Bible: A Text That Requires Decoding

The Bible, to me, feels like it holds far more than what we read at face value. It feels like it needs to be decoded to be truly understood. What you see on the page is often not the full message—there is an underlying truth beneath the surface.

Think about it—Adam, Jesus, Moses, Abraham—they weren’t religious. They didn’t even know what religion was. If you had asked them, “What is religion?” they likely would have said, “I don’t know. What is that?” They were spiritual teachers, not religious leaders.

It also reminds me of the game telephone—you whisper a message down a line of people, and by the time it reaches the last person, it’s completely different from the original message. That’s what the Bible feels like to me. It has been rewritten too many times. I’m sure there’s a lot of truth in it, but that’s just how I feel—and that’s okay!

Religion was created for a reason, and for some, it’s exactly what they need. But for me, I chose Kabbalah because it makes me feel seen and heard. It fits like a glove. It aligns with my soul and makes me feel absolutely free. But it’s not just Kabbalah that speaks to me—nature, the elements, and the universe itself resonate deeply within me. The whispers in the wind, the feeling of water on my skin—they carry a depth of truth and knowledge that no book or sermon has ever been able to match.

Nature connects me to my ancestors. The traditions, rituals, and spiritual wisdom of my Polynesian heritage have been the key to unlocking the spiritual realm for me, guiding me toward Kabbalah. The universe is alive, speaking in a language beyond words, and when I listen, I feel the presence of those who came before me. Their wisdom flows through the elements, their energy moves through me. This is how I know I am never alone—I am always connected.

So if something sparks your curiosity—explore it. If you feel drawn to something—check it out. You never know where it might lead you.

How Kabbalah Shifted Everything for Me

When I started searching for answers beyond traditional religion, I found Kabbalah. And for the first time, it all made sense.

Kabbalah doesn’t tell you what to believe. It doesn’t demand obedience. It invites you to question, to go deeper, to understand the energy and structure of the universe.

Kabbalah teaches that the Creator is infinite, beyond form, beyond gender, beyond limitation. That everything in life is an unfolding process of revelation. That spirituality is meant to evolve with you, not restrict you.

Through Kabbalah, I learned that I wasn’t wrong for thinking the way I did. I wasn’t broken for wanting a deeper connection that felt real. I wasn’t rebelling—I was remembering.

Ask Yourself: Why Doesn’t This Resonate?

If you find yourself sitting in church, listening to prayers, repeating rituals, and feeling nothing, ask yourself:

• Why am I still doing this if it doesn’t resonate with me?
• What words am I using when I pray? Am I begging the Creator to change something, or am I asking for strength and guidance to navigate through it?
• Am I speaking from a place of fear and lack, or from trust and knowing that I have the power to create?
• How do my prayers shape my reality, and am I aligning my words with the energy I want to cultivate?
• Am I here because I believe? Or because I’m afraid of what happens if I stop?
• Does this bring me closer to the Creator? Or does it make me feel small?

The discomfort you feel isn’t a sign that something is wrong with you—it’s a sign that something deeper is waiting to be discovered.

Faith is Personal—Not Inherited

So many women stay stuck in belief systems that don’t serve them because of guilt. Because stepping away feels like disappointing family, betraying tradition, or being "wrong."

But faith is not meant to be something you inherit—it’s something you cultivate. Something that lives inside you, not something you perform for others.

And here’s what I want you to know: This is not about resentment, anger, or proving anyone wrong. Holding on to resentment toward the church, religious figures, or even toward yourself only keeps you stuck. You don’t heal by staying mad. You don’t grow by carrying bitterness. You evolve by releasing, by expanding, by choosing what aligns with your highest good.

If you feel called to explore a new way to pray, a new way to connect, a new way to experience devotion, trust that calling. It’s not leading you away from the Creator—it’s leading you deeper into yourself.

Final Thoughts: Your Path, Your Devotion, Your Truth

This journey is yours. Not your family’s. Not your friends’. Yours. And if the faith structure you were raised in no longer aligns, you have every right to explore what does. Your relationship with the Creator—whatever you call it—belongs to you.

So take the risk. Explore. Go against the grain. And trust that true devotion has nothing to do with where you sit on a Sunday morning—and everything to do with how deeply you listen to your soul.

Journal Prompts for Reflection:

• What beliefs do I hold about the Creator that were taught to me—but don’t truly resonate?
• If I could connect with the divine in any way, without guilt or expectation, what would that look like?
• What emotions come up when I think about exploring new spiritual practices?
• What would happen if I gave myself permission to trust my own experience with the Creator?

Spirituality isn’t about rules—it’s about revelation. Trust yourself, because the divine has been within you all along.